is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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