i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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