It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My cat gives me a boner
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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