You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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