In the future we'll all be gay
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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