he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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