FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
