so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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