Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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