come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
