So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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