how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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