Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
