Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
