we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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