If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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