His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
A bitchslap is in order.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
