do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
