Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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