i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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