uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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