And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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