rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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