dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
