How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I could make wine with my vomit
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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