The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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