Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
