I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
