and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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