Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
