Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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