You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
