There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
