He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
