i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
