ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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