I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize