He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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