We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
