Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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