so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
