I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
