you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My bed smells like the plague
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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