walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
