he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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