Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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