i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize