my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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