There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
