Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
