we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
