i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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