When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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