fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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