The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
