I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
