omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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