arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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