you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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