I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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