I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
