Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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