last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
