I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize