Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
