Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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