"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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