You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
