mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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