its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
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He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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