Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
being pregnant is like rehab
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
