Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
