I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
