I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
