He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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