Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
