Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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