So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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