wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
porn star boner night. come get it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
