i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
